My baby girl just turned 8 weeks old. I’m not sure if it has gone by quick or taken forever. Day in and day out it is the same routine, eat, change diapers, wash bottles, deal with tantrums, and sleep (well 2 hours at a time, what once was a nap is now a long stretch of sleep to me). Life is all about my kids. These days my husband seems more like a business partner than my significant other. We are two ships passing in the night. When he gets home from work he usually handles bath time routine for my big girl while I take care of the baby. We try to switch back and forth between the girls. We also try to take turns having some down time for ourselves so while one can get a quick workout in the other stays with the girls. We don’t have family close by so we have to depend on sitters when we want to go out and right now the baby isn’t sleeping much and my big girls sleeps most of the time, but when we have a sitter she never sleeps as good, so that leaves my husband and I zero time alone together. Oh, and to get a bit of sleep my baby currently resides in our bed.
I often think back to before we had kids and my husband was my life. We did everything together and I looked forward to when he came home from work so we could hang out. I still look forward to when he comes home, except now I don’t look forward to hanging out, I look forward to having some help. Sometimes I feel like we walk around in the house doing chores, warding off tantrums, cleaning up messes and we don’t even speak to each other. The other day while I was washing bottles with my yellow gloves on (I finally caved and got them because I’m sick of my hands being so dry from all the washing) my husband came up, put his hand around me and gave me a kiss, I was startled, not because he never does this, but because he hasn’t done it in so long. But for once we had my mom here helping out and neither of us had a child in tow so we actually had a moment for each other. Might I add a short-lived moment because my almost three year old started poking the baby in the head and my husband had to intervene.
I know that someday we will be able to spend time together. We went through this stage with my first and once she was sleeping through the night we were able to hang out and enjoy each other. While it’s not the carefree days of no kids kind of love, when my husband is holding the baby in his arms singing lullabies to calm her down, or he is playing dress up with my big girl, I fall in love with him all over again. I love watching how sensitive and sweet he can be with his girls and how much he loves them. He is still my partner in crime, but now instead of going out to dinners and drinks or exercise classes together we have family movie night dates or on the rare occasions when both girls are asleep we laugh about how stubborn and bossy our big girl is or how excited we are that the baby smiled for the first time. At times I miss my husband before kids, when I was the only girl in his life, but this other daddy side of him is endearing and we have grown so much closer dealing with all of the challenging and rewarding aspects of being parents. When you marry someone, you marry him or her for many different reasons. I always knew that my husband was a family man and that someday he would make the most amazing daddy. It is so wonderful to be proved right. For now, while our time together has to get put on hold, it just makes me cherish our alone time so much more. So for all of you going through the same thing right now, this too shall pass, you will get your husband back soon. Believe me, he misses you as much as you miss him!